|Description||I think there was an email sent to all the single people in the world telling them that online dating can no longer be fun. At least that's what it seems like to me. Everyone I know that is single and dating is miserable. All my friends, my neighbors, my clients, everyone!!!|
Now, if you are one of these people who did receive the email, I am sending you this post as a counter email because I have an announcement to make: DATING IS FUN!
Why else would you want to participate in it if it's not at least fun?
I think one reason the fun of dating may be dwindling is because people are putting a lot of pressure on what they THINK they want rather than actually focusing on what they want. This limits their options and makes connections impossible.
I recently had a conversation with Dr. Benjamin Carney from The Relationship Institute at UCLA, and Alex Wise from Loveawake online dating service who told me about psychological study performed to see if an individual's pre-determined list of qualities a partner must possess hold up as a measurement of what they really want.
They decided to perform this study using a speed-dating environment where equal men and women were present. Prior to speed dating, they asked all participants to list what they wanted most in a partner.
As a whole, Men said looks were the most important to them and women said a man's earning potential were most valued. When the speed dating commenced, they asked everyone to rate each person on an attraction scale and on an earning potential scale. 10 being most attractive/top earning potential and 1 being the opposite.
You would think that at the end the session the men who said looks were the most important would have connected with the women they rated as a 10 for looks. You would also think that the women would feel a connection with the men, which they rated as 10 for earning potential. NOT SO.
They found the participant's pre-determined list of qualities had nothing to do with their selection of those that they felt a connection with. Interesting right? This means that the list of "qualities" they had been using to select possible dating partners was bubcus! That means rubbish for those of you who don't speak Yiddish.
These lists of qualities are possibly limiting people from meeting their potential mates. Even worse they are stopping people from finding the fun in the dating process because they may be adding to much rigidity to their selection phase.
If you are one of these people then my challenge to you is to go out for the next week with an open mind. Do not pre-judge a person before interacting with them. Do not go by your list of "qualities" that you usually go by. Give them 5 minutes to see if there is a connection. If not, leave.
Another challenge is for those who are dating online. Do not write off a person because they of their list of "qualities" they are seeking. Again, qualities are simply boundaries that people impose on themselves. Push those boundaries and go after what you want.
Enlarge your dating pool to the size of an ocean! It's time to start making Dating Fun again!
|Created||9 Nov 2018|
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